All right, all right. I’m ready.

I’m not sure what brass ring I was trying to grab, but I’m done.

Before summer of this year, no one could convince me of the merits of self publishing. I was determined to get an agent, and that was it. I know I’m a good writer, and I knew that if I just talked to the right one, everything would fall into place. Dreams die hard, don’t they?

After the conference this summer, I was on Cloud 9. I had an agent who thought my work was the bee’s knees, the cat’s meow…and all those other 1920s expressions I toss out so much in my work. She loved my platform, she loved my first chapter, and effused over everything. She even approached ME in the bookstore, before I even had a chance to meet with her. I was convinced that at last, I’d found THE ONE.

Nope. Another rejection.”Too depressing,” she said.

And I was flummoxed. Because although I mentioned that my main character had died tragically at 25 and her ghost was narrating the book, somehow this suggested lollipops and roses to this person.

“Fiction is supposed to be better than real life,” she said.

Um…OK. Read “The Fault in Our Stars?” or “Gone Girl?” “Of Mice and Men?” Anything by the Russian writers? Are we talking better or happier? They’re NOT the same.

Also, although I said I was writing about “forgotten actresses,” she was annoyed she couldn’t find anything with my main character in it. Ummm…Blockbuster isn’t around anymore, and there aren’t that many silent films on Netflix. There is, however, this thing called youtube (where a search of her name comes up with several hits for viewing), and another called Amazon, which has a DVD or two of hers. So at this point, I’m thinking I’ve dodged a bullet. Do I want someone that incapable of the research if they really want to find the stuff? No.

This was the last straw. I’m ready to self publish. I’ve got big plans for this baby.

Recently, a self published friend recommended Catherine Ryan Howard’s “Self Printed” to me, so as soon as I could download the 3rd edition that just came out, I did. I’ve been studying it for days to give me the advance skills I need. And although it will cost a little more, I’m having a gorgeous cover and interior designed for me AND getting everything converted to ebook too.  Anyone gone through this same internal struggle? How did you handle it? And how did it turn out for you?

Next summer will be ignition. Stay tuned, y’all.